The good news is I’ve been back hard at work trying to rebuild my porn empire and we’ve been able to get some decent stuff out like some awesome black milf porn, a big pornstar network site, and a new XXX Latina site.

If I’m talking to you, even yelling at you, it’s a good thing — it means I still care. When I go quiet, that’s when you should worry.

I’m surprised to find out that someone that is so anal about all things sexual that he would even allow this into iTunes.

I haven’t seen the application yet, but I plan on getting it as soon as it becomes available. It has been creating quite a buzz on blogs sites and even bigger news outlets like the New Your Mag, Cult of Mac, and the Gothamist. You might even find a few pornstars lurking around on their Sugar Daddy / Sugar baby dating site.

I don’t know about you guys but I’m gonna get my perv on when this Sugar Baby thing comes out.

That’s all for now.

Back to my normal life.

Go fuckyouself…

As you can see, we write avout damn near anything on the site – contests, webmasters, best anal, sleazy agents, and corrupt pigs.

1. Avenged Sevenfold still sucks 50 LB bags of dick and call it a “light lunch”.
2. Sebastian Bach is WAY cooler than you’d think he’d be.
3. Dimebag Rita wants to bang my boy Steve – (sorry Dave!)
4. Always tell chicks “You usually bang sluts 10 times hotter than them”
5. That guy Mario from Liquid Metal on Sirius looks like an even bigger douchbag than he sounds like on the radio, and that’s tough to do.
6. Motley Crue aren’t the icons of metal, they are an overrated pop band.
7. Once you hit 40, you shouldn’t be allowed to sing “The Youth Gone Wild” anymore, unless it’s ironic karaoke
8. I’m not sure what Chris Jericho even does, it damn sure doesn’t involve talent
9. When I get drunk I get really racist.
10. I am going to start a “Suicide Assistance Program” – it’s up the river, not across the bridge — get it right!
11. Our music is “is too dark, intelligent and complex to be understood by an average person” MartinMetaal
12. I “I dont want to be a rockstar I just want to rape innocent children” #dickdband
13. I heard the Golden Gods were getting 750 hits per minute on Twitter, no wonder I have less followers this morning.
14. “even since I’ve been able to masturbate more, I’ve needed women less” #dickdband
15. I heard I was hanging out with I was hanging out with Dave Lombardo, Dave Ghrol, and Lars Ulrich. Can’t remember though — next drummer?
16. “I hate niggers with every ounce of my Soul!!!” #dickdband – even though that not really true, it is kinda funny.
17. Oh yeah, Avenged Sevenfold STILL SUCKS - I don’t care how many awards they win.
18. Volbeat are pretty good.
19. “if you tell me one more time who is sponsoring The Golden Gods I will gas all of you like #hitler” #dickdband
20. At 7PM I was “so drunk already I’ve been tweeting from the wrong account” #dickdband
21. The original Alice Cooper band had gotten “really fat”. We can “out-fat” them though.
22. Went to the awards with $1500 cash in pocket, came back with considerably less. Most was spent at bar or dropped on floor. Not sure.
23. I know this is the first time I said this but I REPEAT – “whitesnake is not metal!!”
24. I don’t think the guys from “That Metal Show” could get on the Pest List (Guest List)
25. “where did all the metal sluts go?” #dickdband – Sad, but true.
25.5: I won’t make any new friends from this blog.
26. Jeff Hanneman is still the best guitar player in Slayer.
27. If you have read this far, you have too much time on your hands.

See:
http://twitter.com/#!/DickDBand — done blacked out Hunter S. Thompson style…or if you want to like us even less http://twitter.com/#!/search/teamsatan

Thanks, for the hook from The Gauntlet!

PS: The thoughts and opinions of http://twitter.com/#!/DickDBand are not necessarily the views of the whole band, even though they kind of are.

Next stop: THE BIG 4

Toodles,
Dick

A lot of people have been asking me to help them with contests, for example, my friend Amy Brooke wanted to win best anal performer and it seemed to get her some votes,

Now I am asking for you to help my band Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles – we went to #1 on the Roadrunner Carts, got a music award from Howard Stern all while being fucked my our shit management (Maximus Entertainment aka Rob Divine), and fucked by a corrupt justice system. so I think it’s safe to say at this point we are brutally unsigned, so please, please vote for us. If you like old school metal a-la-The Big 4 with a sense of humor you will agree that it is a shame Dick Delicious is Brutally Unsigned!

LISTEN TO A FEW OF OUR SONGS – WE ARE AWESOME! Please help us dig out of our current Brutally Unsigned status, it will take you just a few seconds!!

Please vote for us below in the Hail and Horns Brutally Unsigned page – they will give us the cover of the magazine and write a nice puff piece that will get us Brully Signed with some help from HailandHonds.com
http://www.hailsandhorns.com/uncategorized/brutally-unsigned-voting-page/

It ain’t as easy as it used to be to be an adult webmaster. In the old days, you’d just post a few pics of naked chicks and make $$$ all day. I woke up feeling kinda sick, I had felt the flu coming on since my recent trip to Denver.

Here is an chronological rundown of how my day went:

7AM – Wanted to sleep longer but woke up with a sore throat. Popped 25 mgs of Addoral and a DayQuil.

7:30 – Started doing some update on some pornstar blogs. Among them is Emily Parker. She tells me that she doesn’t like my blog and “wanted to use hers“, so I combined hers with my RSS feed using Feedwordpress.

8:00 – Emily Parker threatens to quit because one of my co-workers Pornstar Platinum had disrespected her and told her some random amount of money what our hosting bill would be, even though we don’t really charge the girls. I managed to talk her down from the edge.

9:00 – 12:00 – I spend hours working on a pornstar twitter account, then haggling over retweets with the very sexy Angelina Valentine. money with Charisma Capelli, the weight of Kita Zen, where one Earth Rachel Love disappeared to, and making a deal with Yuri Luv for primo placement on Freeones.

12:01 – 1:00 – Try to reconstruct a downed Sugar Daddy blog because some IT idiot didn’t do a web hosting transfer properly.

1:00 – 2:00 – I spend an hour trying to convince my hosting company my site about Jesus Jokes was actually mine. I even started a and Facebook and Twitter page for it.

2:00 – 3:00 – Get informed by one of our models from our porn talent agency (Gigi Rivera) that she had the quit the biz because Charlie Sheen has paid her off. The worked on some blogs for Dani Daniels, Coutney Page, and Vicoria Avluv.

4:20 – What you think was happening was happening. Puff, puff!!

5:00 – Starting to lose mind.

6:00 – Have a helping hand getting my girl Amy Brooke to win best anal at the Urban X Awards.

7:00 – Received several threats from con artist Robert Divine over me exposing his as a scam artist on this blog. Too bad, he’s not an honest man like Moe Tassoudji – he could have avoided the wrath of my Hiroshima-sized Google Bomb!

8:00 – Decide that my band (Dick Delicious and The Tasty Testicles) quest to win a record contract in fruitless and give up and decide to press our our own CDs. I think I even mentioned that on our Twitter and Facebook pages. Called up my tattoo artist to get the artwork started.

Some strippers called me wanting to buy some perspiration drugs? Can you guess which one I am on. Can you guess which one I should be one?

NOW – still working, still working… I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING REALLY BAD IN MY PAST LIFE!

Hail Satan!

It seems like every girl in porn is scrambling to win these Urban X Awards – when it comes to best Best Anal Performer there is only one clear choice and it is none other than Amy Brooke – hit her up on twitter - I hear that she is even willing to trade some sexual favors to with the best anal Urban X Award. Imagine that, you get some of the best anal for voting for BEST ANAL at the Urban X Awards!!

You have ever seen any of pornstar Amy Brooke’s super hot anal performances you will know why she smokes every single pornstar in the best anal category at The Urban X Awards – there’s not even a close second on this thing. Amy Brooke has been nominated for several other Urban X Awards – you may as well vote for her in all of them because beside being great at anal – she is a sexual beast and will DOMINATE if you watch any of her scenes!!

CAN I MAKE THIS ANY SIMPLER?
Vote for Amy Brooke Best Anal Performer at Urban X Awards!!

Gigi Rivera videos and pictures here

You guys are going to be knocked out by this new young xxx pornstar Gigi Rivera. She is one hot little 19 year old teen that loves to smoke pot, listen to Bob Marley, and have porn sex on video. Once you check out some of her hot videos, you will fall in love with this teen babe. She is so sexy and what is even better the girl isn’t one of these teen porn chicks that teases you with a bunch of softcore. Gigi Rivera does hardcore!

If you would like to read more about the recent cocaine and pornstar incident, more info about Charlie Sheen and Gigi Rivera can be found on the following articles:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/zzinsider/charlie-sheens-other-pornstars… http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/01/exclusive-third-porn-star… http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/charlie_sheen_checks_into_rehab…
***Here is an article from Us Magazine with more details***

My Uncle Moe always pretends he has this fishing business, well, except he has no business fishing and no business in fishing, I guess he just likes to be on the water. We get Christmas cards from Uncle Moe every year, usually photos of fish in Santa hats adorn the front with semi-clever musings like:

Want Yule? Then Stay in the School, or my personal favorite, Did you tell Billy-Bass what you wanted for Christ-bass?

All signed; “Love, Uncle Moe Tassoudji & the School of Fishing” usually underlining “school” three or more times to really drive it home. Yeah thanks Uncle Moe, your humor is not lost on us, even without “school” being underlined.

So to the cape I went, to “Moe Tassoudji’s School of Fishing” for Christmas. I had loads of schoolwork to keep me busy anyway, just in case I got bored with the fishing aspect of my trip.

Uncle Moe greeted me at his door, even before I had the chance to alert him with the bait-shaped brass knocker, wearing his green and silver striped sweater he always wore for special occasions, he opened his arms wide and in he went for the bear-hug embrace. Ah, the sweet smell of sea water and pipe tobacco! Although it could be much worse, sea water and pipe tobacco only reminds me of my Uncle Moe.

The following days were less impressive than most, but on Christmas Eve, Moe Tassoudji’s School of Fishing was going to school me… in the art of fishing that is.

I woke up earlier than I usually like on holiday to find Uncle Moe at the base of the stairs, fishing poles, canteens, boxes, shiny-things, and other miscellaneous fishing items I assumed, ready to go. You’d think with all this gear he’d catch something from time to time, but I’ve never seen any pics for proof.

“To the sea we go!” said Uncle Moe, and out the door to the boat we went.

Uncle Moe’s boat, “Tassoudji Sea” he named her, was a 20 ft monstrosity with a motor, losing paint and looking rickety. I guess since he really didn’t fish for a living, or catch anything for that matter, so there was never a reason to “upgrade” his situation.
Forty five minutes into the trip asea, when I was losing beauty sleep and patience, something actually bit our line, or however you say it. Uncle Moe was definitely just as surprised as I was. He acted like he wasn’t but I know better. I saw him looking toward the end of the line, wondering what large fish would emerge from the oceanic depths.

“Tassoudjis Sea” Uncle Moe yelled, in a pirate-like fashion, oh yeah, he was excited. He reeled in the line and pulled out a huge (36 inches or so), striped sea bass! I later did my homework to learn how wonderful and rare catching striped sea bass is, had I known at the time, I would have at least acted more surprised. Out came the large sea bass, Moe was floored and quickly scampered about to grab a net large enough for it. Once he took hold of the fish and stored it away on ice for dinner later, he sat there bewildered and calm, like he had just seen a ghost and wasn’t sure how to react—in shock I was guessing.
Ha! The irony of Uncle Moe Tassoudji’s School of Fishing and how it shaped my winter break.